Happy Birthday to me...la la la la la la.

Birthdays are special, regardless of how old you are. The day you, the wonderful human being that you are today should be celebrated!
I've always been big on birthdays, I plan and inform friends and family so that there are no excuses for forgetting to wish me a happy birthday or not attending whatever event I organise. Call me shameless but why keep schtum if it's going to mean having to spend the most important day of the year angry with everyone for having either forgotten your birthday or made plans that clash with your big night out!

Besides what's the big idea of not wanting to celebrate because you're getting older, as though sitting at home and sulking will stop time. Whether you like it or not, you will turn 30 and then 40 and so on, so why not cram as much fun and living into those years as possible so that you don't end up regretting them?

My recipe for a good birthday includes atleast 3 days of activities, one with the family, one with friends and one with just yourself. If there's someone special in your life this could extend to 4 days or you could simply allocate a night for your better half. You should spend some of the time being thankful for your life, what you've achieved and those who love you but also reflecting on what you want to do with the future that lies ahead of you.
When it comes to presents - don't ask for vouchers or money, let people who know you choose something that's personal. I always enjoy getting presents that I would not ordinarily choose for myself but nonetheless reflect me and my personality. There are times that loved ones will miss the mark and get you something that you may not like but I still think its important to look at each gift for what it is - an expression of someone's appreciation of You. So what if the earrings are a bit bigger than you would like, keep them in your jewellery box and you may end up wearing them when the 80s make a second comeback.

Celebrating your birthday is like taking part in life - sometimes we seem to sit on the fence, refusing to subscribe to this festival or that trend, but what are we really gaining? So what if you're above Valentine's day - how often does someone offer you a bunch of flowers throughout the year? And yes Christmas has become commercialised and turkey isn't the nicest of meats - but when was the last time you and your entire family spent the day together? In a similar vein birthdays are about participating - take part in the celebration of you. If you're not happy with your age, just don't tell anyone but let your hair down, eat good food and pamper yourself, simply because it's a day that is all about You!

Make mine a glass half full

Positive people are such a breath of fresh air. I have a friend who is always excited about life, no matter how seemingly dull or banal the experience; he will make it sound like the best thing since sliced bread. Every dish is the best he has ever tasted, every place is so amazing and he always seems to find the good in people.

I think everyone should have at least a few friends like that because life is hard enough as it without a bad attitude and people who drag you down with their negativity. We all need a little push at times and if you can’t be that cheerleader for someone then you should at least make sure you have friends who have an optimistic attitude.

A positive energy can also inform how successful you are in life. Sometimes you’ll find two people with seemingly identical lives – same type of job, earnings, same size house, number of children but what makes one so much happier that the other lies entirely with that person. When we think about what we need to be happy, the answer is extremely elusive because ultimately we are all very unique beings and although we’re told we need a minimum amount of money to live and to afford the bare necessities, there will be those who even without that still brighten up a room when they walk in.

I want to live by friend’s philosophy – I want to enjoy each and every experience as though it were the first time, to savour every day of life and marvel at the simplest of things because life really is amazing. Nature is incredible, man’s achievements are phenomenal. I want to not be jaded about everything, to realise that no matter what situation I find myself, I can always choose a glass half full.

The rock and then some....

A colleague just announced that she got engaged during a short European break and every female in the office rushed over to her squealing with delight and exclaiming how pleased they were for her. She then got asked the pre-requisite 'How did he propose' question. I couldn't help but feel irritated and before you start thinking its because I'm a bitter old maid, let me make it clear that I'm happily married. My irritation is caused by the fact that she has been living with her partner for a number of years so it would surprise me if the thought of marriage hadn't crossed her mind.Yet she waited patiently and passively for her boyfriend to present her with the wonderful gift of agreeing to marry her. And it seems to happen that way for most women, some of them wait even longer hoping and praying that the long relationship/cohabitation will culminate in a wedding and they can declare their happily ever after.
Were it not for a woman's biological clock it would hardly matter that her partner who but for the ring, she has decided to settle down with, has taken 4 or 6 or even 10 years to propose to her. However the reality is that a woman will find it harder to have babies the older she gets and aside from that small problem, women as well as men I suspect, think of long term relationships as an investment.You've spent time getting to know someone so you don’t want to be dumped after countless visits to the parents' home without any real thought and dare I add, the formalities of a divorce. Think about how easy it is to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend and you'll get the anxiety long term girlfriends feel.
I guess that's why so many are grateful when their partners see sense and pop the question.

Another colleague recently went for a romantic weekend to New York and declared before leaving that if her partner didn't propose whilst they were there as she suspected/hoped he was going to - she would be devastated. As it happened, he didn't propose and she's still with him, waiting, hoping ....no doubt praying.
This seems to be the one thing that still allows men to yield so much power over women.
Or perhaps it’s a simple case of women knowing they want to get married sooner than men and therefore having to wait until the man is ready. Maybe it is just a timing thing but I wish I could tell men that marriage actually is the best thing that society invented to help make their lives easier. I wish more of them knew that it works better for them than it does for us. Married men are more successful in the workplace, women find them more attractive than their unmarried counterparts and the biggest blow of all they live longer than single men - honest, if you don't believe me look it up.
Married women on the other hand die earlier than single women, the stress of waiting for the proposal and then spending all their energy organising the wedding day probably has something to do with it.
So next time the urge to squeal and express delight when a female friend/colleague announces her engagement, stop a second and think of what she has in store. Obviously don't tell her this but just keep in mind that she will soon be juggling domestic chores, children and be expected to stay slim, gorgeous, youthful, not to mention perform like a world class hooker in the bedroom. Spare a thought for this poor unsuspecting singleton who hasn't a clue what she's letting herself in for.

The Single Woman’s Endless Pursuit

An article was recently published in the Guardian with the header ‘Women told to stop looking for Mr Right’. You can imagine how many single and married women’s attention it caught. It was an analysis of a new book called - Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. An equally controversial title I hear you say but before we ladies start whipping off our bras and burning them in despair, let’s take a deep breath and break down Ms Gottlieb’s arguments.
In a nutshell she argues that women should end their endless pursuit of Mr. Right or be doomed to loneliness for the rest of their lives. I agree that sounds harsh and singlehood need not mean loneliness. In fact a lot of married women are lonely even when surrounded by children and a husband. Loneliness is a state of mind and it doesn’t necessarily go away when someone is with you if that person is not engaging with you. There are also many single women of all ages who have very fulfilling lives, who work hard, enjoy their careers, have more friends than they have hours in the day and enjoy the company of men on their terms.
Though I dont agree with everything Lori Gottlieb has to say, I find her main argument which is that women should stop looking for Mr. Right and settle for Mr. Good Enough persuasive at the very least. I know far too many women who spend their lives talking about their search for Mr. Right – the one with the ‘Va va voom’ who makes your heart skip a beat at the very sight of him. Others will go as far as to stipulate what their Mr. Perfect should look like – his height, his complexion, his build. To this I ask, “Are we not assuming that we are their Ms Perfects, and Ms Rights?” I’m all for aspiring but with a huge dose of reality. Also when it comes to affairs of the heart, I think we ought to be far more practical if we want something that lasts.
Relationships can be difficult and whilst I don't advocate being in a loveless marriage I do think we women need to think outside the box a little and realise that the 'right' person could be right under our noses. I have at least 3 friends whose marriages have turned out to be amazing - their partners are now without a doubt their perfect matches, but when they were dating these men, I once thought...'that's not the right one - you can do better.' I'm relieved they didn't listen to me and my foolish ideas.
Men are more practical than us when it comes to affairs of the heart and dare I say smarter too - they reach an age and decide that it’s time to settle down - and they do it. No fuss, no travelling around the globe in search of Ms. Va-va-voom. They just do it, regardless of whether the woman is their intellectual equal or not. And the reality is it works. I know many of us would like to tell ourselves that all those men who left us for bimbos are ruing the day they abandoned true love for convenience...but the reality is, they really aren't. They have worked out a 'happy and relatively content' life with their partner. She may not have an opinion on the US economic recovery or the war in Iraq but that’s okay because she can cook a mean stew, she listens to him, takes care of their kids and they get to spend quality time together.
Life is a lot simpler than we women realise. Mr. Good enough - if he respects and loves you enough could end up being Mr. Right. So all in all Ms Gottlieb in her seemingly shocking analysis may well be on to something.

Don't ignore the lumps!

Yes as uncomfortable as it seems, there are many warning signs/indicators for taking care of your assets or hinderances (boobs, breasts, tits - whatever takes our fancy).

Have you heard of Duct Ectasia Pendicular Mastitus? Nor had I until recently. Duct Ectasia Pendicular Mastitus is a condition that affects the ducts behind your nipple which collects fluid. The fluid may be non-bloody or a bloody discharge.

I had been having tingling feelings in my left beast for over a year or maybe more to be honest, I just ignored it, like we do. My pain was not related to my menstrual cycle it was just random, sometimes shooting pains which felt like hot needles being pieced into every vein in the related area. It had been keeping me up at nights, I would take pain killers, hot baths even take a hot water bottle to bed as the pain would radiate from my back over to the top of my shoulder. At first I thought it was my bra size as I had recently put on weight but soon ruled that out after having a fitting recently speared headed by Rigby and Peller report on high street shops not making the grade.

I decided to take matters into my own hands and took myself to the doctors. After a thorough examination and half an hour later I was contacted by the Breast Clinic in Farnborough Hospital for an immediate examination. I felt instantly sick, I thought I was going to pass out. It could only be breast cancer so I thought. I spent all day at the Breast Clinic the one stop shop. After an Ultra Sound, Mammogram and rigorous examinations I have a common illnesses that affects many women.

Just beware this maybe early signs of your menopause. If your ducts are blocked it can cause inflammation or infection and a lot of pain!!

Click here for more details.

What's in a Name?

I love being married: to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, etc...it's a beautiful thing. But do I really need to take on my husband's name? Oh, I know we're meant to, but I don't want to give 'me' up...excuse me, of course I mean my name. I've lived with it my whole life and have become quite partial to it. As my friend laments, "I've finally come to love and accept my name, I used to think it was long and hard to pronounce. I don't want to lose it now that I've found peace with it."

What does this say about us? Are we bad, selfish wives? Are we just trying to have our cake and eat it too? Enjoying the trappings of marriage (...to have, to hold, etc...) but acting out our single, independent days sans the 2.5 kids when we had disposable income?

I guess I could go double-barreled but my hand would hurt...DO I JUST NEED TO GROW UP?