An article was recently published in the Guardian with the header ‘Women told to stop looking for Mr Right’. You can imagine how many single and married women’s attention it caught. It was an analysis of a new book called - Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb. An equally controversial title I hear you say but before we ladies start whipping off our bras and burning them in despair, let’s take a deep breath and break down Ms Gottlieb’s arguments.
In a nutshell she argues that women should end their endless pursuit of Mr. Right or be doomed to loneliness for the rest of their lives. I agree that sounds harsh and singlehood need not mean loneliness. In fact a lot of married women are lonely even when surrounded by children and a husband. Loneliness is a state of mind and it doesn’t necessarily go away when someone is with you if that person is not engaging with you. There are also many single women of all ages who have very fulfilling lives, who work hard, enjoy their careers, have more friends than they have hours in the day and enjoy the company of men on their terms.
Though I dont agree with everything Lori Gottlieb has to say, I find her main argument which is that women should stop looking for Mr. Right and settle for Mr. Good Enough persuasive at the very least. I know far too many women who spend their lives talking about their search for Mr. Right – the one with the ‘Va va voom’ who makes your heart skip a beat at the very sight of him. Others will go as far as to stipulate what their Mr. Perfect should look like – his height, his complexion, his build. To this I ask, “Are we not assuming that we are their Ms Perfects, and Ms Rights?” I’m all for aspiring but with a huge dose of reality. Also when it comes to affairs of the heart, I think we ought to be far more practical if we want something that lasts.
Relationships can be difficult and whilst I don't advocate being in a loveless marriage I do think we women need to think outside the box a little and realise that the 'right' person could be right under our noses. I have at least 3 friends whose marriages have turned out to be amazing - their partners are now without a doubt their perfect matches, but when they were dating these men, I once thought...'that's not the right one - you can do better.' I'm relieved they didn't listen to me and my foolish ideas.
Men are more practical than us when it comes to affairs of the heart and dare I say smarter too - they reach an age and decide that it’s time to settle down - and they do it. No fuss, no travelling around the globe in search of Ms. Va-va-voom. They just do it, regardless of whether the woman is their intellectual equal or not. And the reality is it works. I know many of us would like to tell ourselves that all those men who left us for bimbos are ruing the day they abandoned true love for convenience...but the reality is, they really aren't. They have worked out a 'happy and relatively content' life with their partner. She may not have an opinion on the US economic recovery or the war in Iraq but that’s okay because she can cook a mean stew, she listens to him, takes care of their kids and they get to spend quality time together.
Life is a lot simpler than we women realise. Mr. Good enough - if he respects and loves you enough could end up being Mr. Right. So all in all Ms Gottlieb in her seemingly shocking analysis may well be on to something.
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